This article makes me happy.

Current Affairs Covered Like Nobody's Business

By Peter Carlson
Washington Post Staff Writer
Tuesday, July 19, 2005; C01

It's high time for those high-minded, highbrow media critics to get down on their knobby knees and bleat out an apology to the hardworking men and women of America's cheeseball magazines.

These snooty, snotty critics are forever yipping and yapping about how magazines just don't spend time and money to really dig deep into the stories they cover.

Well, maybe that's true for trivial topics like global warming or the budget deficit or genocide in Sudan, but it's definitely not true for one of the great epics of our time: the star-crossed love triangle of Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie.

When it comes to Brad & Jen & Angelina -- and now Vince Vaughn, who may or may not be Jen's new squeeze -- nothing can stop America's great cheeseball magazines, which are, of course, Us and Star. Say what you want, they've stayed with this story for months , spending a fortune to chase the libidinous celebs literally around the world, following every twist of the story, even some that weren't, in the strictest sense, actually true.

Look at this week's Star. Not only does it have a piece on Jen and Vince's "Steamy Nights Together!" and a "World Exclusive! -- Brad & Angelina to Wed!" -- but it also has an interview with the grandmother of the Ethiopian baby that Angelina recently adopted.

"When Star learned that Angelina Jolie was adopting a child in Ethiopia," writes editor Joe Dolce, "we rushed two reporters to the scene. They immediately flew to the capital city of Addis Ababa and then made an arduous six-hour trek -- by jeep over rough, rugged roads -- to the tiny village of Awassa, where Angelina's baby was born."

Very impressive!

But no more impressive than Us, which ran a story on the adoption (and Brad & Angelina's subsequent weekend getaway in France) that credited no fewer than 12 reporters: one in Ethiopia, one in France, two in London, three in New York, four in Los Angeles and one in Chicago. Us also called in not just one but two handwriting experts to analyze an autograph that Aniston recently gave to a fan in Chicago, which showed that Jen is "very private" and that love is important to her.

This is the kind of no-stone-left-unturned reporting that ought to win awards. But the high-minded, highbrow folks who bestow awards would rather eat worms than give one to the cheeseballs.

Fortunately, we at the Magazine Reader are low-minded lowbrows, so we've created our own Cheeseball Magazine Awards for excellence in covering Brad & Jen & Angelina & Vince.

The envelopes, please:

Most Thought-Provoking Headline: Star. "Brad Gets Naked With Angelina!"

Best Question: Us. Discussing how Brad's love for Angelina lured him into aiding her Third World refugee work, Us asked the question on everyone's mind: "Could Aniston's loss be the developing world's gain?"

Best Freudian Analysis: Star quoted a "longtime friend" of Aniston's saying, "Brad felt Jen has never resolved the feelings of abandonment that began when her father John left her mom Nancy."

Most Creative Use of Alleged Experts: This was a tough call. Both mags have burrowed deep into their Rolodexes, dialing up scads of shrinks, body language experts, relationship gurus and countless unnamed alleged insiders. But Us took the prize for quoting in a single issue (Jan. 31) the author of the book "Breakup Girl to the Rescue!" plus the author of "Will Our Love Last?" plus the author of "The Love Compatibility Book," as well as "the creator of DivorceBusting.com."

Best Policy Wonk Moment: A tie. Both Star and Us ran pictures of that magic moment when Angelina greeted Richard Gere at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland.

Best Advice to a Member of the Love Triangle: Star, for calling in "former supermodel" Janice Dickinson to offer sage advice to Aniston on how to win Brad back: "Have a showdown with Angelina Jolie. Hell, you and Angelina ought to have an affair! You'd be a hot couple!"

Most Prodigious Use of Exclamation Points!!: Star!! It's not even close!!!

Best Refutation of the Idea That Tax Cuts for the Rich Help the American Economy: Star reported Jan. 17 that Brad & Jen and their pals Courteney Cox Arquette and David Arquette spent $100,000 for a week's rental of a beach house in the British West Indies.

Best 180-Degree Reversal: After running a cover story on the alleged Aniston-Vaughn romance on July 11, Us reported this week that "there have been no signs of romance."

Biggest Screw-Up: Star, for its Jan. 17 cover story: "Brad & Jen Back On! It's Baby Time!" Ooops!

Weirdest Simultaneous Cover Headlines (particularly when you consider that if both were true the story would have ended right there):

Us, Feb. 14: "Brad Wants Jen Back!"

Star, Feb. 14: "Jen Fights to Get Brad Back!"

Most Thought-Provoking Polling Data: Star: "58% of single females say they would give up sex for a year for one Valentine's Day date with Brad Pitt."

Best Historical Sidebar Story: Star, for the Feb. 28 piece titled "More Man-Eaters, Past & Present," which revealed "Who They Are" and "Who They Ate" and included Ava Gardner, who ate Frank Sinatra, and Elizabeth Taylor, who ate Eddie Fisher. In an era when our schools just don't teach enough history, this was a major public service.

Best Blatantly Fake Photos: Under normal circumstances, Star would have snagged this award by illustrating its July 4 cover story, "Is Angelina Pregnant With Brad's Baby?," with computer-generated photos of what "Brad and Angelina's babies might look like." But W, the fashion magazine, seized this award with its July issue, which contained a 60-page photo essay in which Brad and Angelina and a gaggle of cute tykes portrayed an early '60s-era dysfunctional family. (The key question here is: Does W qualify as a cheeseball magazine? After much debate, we at Mag Reader have concluded that it does, although it peddles a classier cheese. Call it a brieball mag.)

Best Reason for Continuing the Brad & Jen & Angelina & Vince Madness for at Least a Few More Months: Less room for stories on the Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes affair.

© 200

death of a crush.....(not mine)

I don't really think he needs your help, but thanks anyway.

A Wife For Prince William

Admit it, we've all dreamt it.

Move over Liam!!! Jack White is in the house!

Last night I dreamt that I was being pursued by Jack White. When I say pursued, I mean, I was totally okay with this. That's right, Jack, was my boyfriend. But in my dream he was really chaste. Meg White was telling me thats why he is always getting married. We were in a yellow room in a grungy old house, he was playing guitar, she was playing drums and then he proposed to me. But wouldn't kiss me because we weren't married yet.
Um yeah. This dream defies all sense of logic, but hey dreamlandia is fun!!

My OBX, My Dream

So, last night I dreamt I was at the OBX. I went to pick up Saucy Betty and took her to the best beach to surf at, but the beach was packed with surf fishermen. We watched a little and then went back to the hotel where we were supposed to meet everyone. However, the other peeps weren't around. So, then we went back to the beach. The beach was like a giant aquarium and you could see the sea life swimming around, there was coral (which is funny, because obx is just a giant sand bar). Needless to say, Saucy Betty was telling me it was much cooler in Bermuda. I remember laughing, and we just sat back and watched the animals.

Hiding out

Sunday evening. I'm hiding out in my roommate's room because my computer is still dead. My other roommate is hosting Noche de Hogar in our living room and I'm feeling shy. My roommate is currently watching some british mini-series set in the 19th century. Why is it that soap operas are okay if the actors wear period clothes and have english accents? And ya know, i like Emma and Pride and prejudice (bbc version).

Just a random thought from a fugitive (well, not a real fugitive-I could go visit a friend i guess)

Update: My roommate who went back home a week ago has called 5 times in the past 30 minutes. Her best friend, my other roommate is avoiding her because she is watching a movie with lines like "he wrote violent love to me" and "she's a jiltin' jessie"

Here I come to save the day!

Rest assured chillins, I finally had a dream. Better said, I finally have time to write down my dream and actually remember it. It was one of those that made me late to work, because I thought I was already awake and on my way to work. Except my back molar fell out before I left for work. SYMBOLISIM ALERT. It's generally accepted that teeth falling out in dreams=dreamer feels lack of power in their life. Could that be because I haven't been paid in 6 week and am totally dreading confronting my boss? I had a headache about it all day long yesterday. I even dreamed that I still had a headache. I dreamed that I was arguing with myself whether to call in sick or not. I'm glad I didn't. But I'm bummed that I'm even in this work scenario. I'm doomed to always have crap at work.

this is our last post????

The Witches of Highland

The past week I must not be sleeping well due to a couple of "head traumas" (that sounds much serious than they actually were) because I've been having crazy dreams that I remember.

Last night I dreamt that I was at home hanging out and it was the weekend. Marilyn was in the kitchen cooking with Mari and Terri. In the sink was our large plastic bowl and there were 4 aquarium fish in there. One brown one, one grey fish, one black fish and a goldfish. I asked Marilyn what was up and she said that "Laura Fox, Becca (I work with her), Vienna, and one of the aquarium fish are in there." Mari replied that Vienna turns herself into a fish every weekend. Vienna was the goldfish and the girls started to get concerned because the other fish were picking on her. However, they couldn't turn them back because they weren't sure what to do about the aquarium fish. They didn't know what would happen if they turned it into a human. Oh, in this dream, I wasn't a witch, just all of my roommates (who i love and do not think are witches in real life).

I will post a dream this week, I promise!!!

Just as soon as I have one.

soccerballs and trader joes 

Trader Joe Bags

Last night, I was playing soccer. Beautiful night, perfect field, easy game. Needless to say, the mentally challenged girl that plays on the other team and I were going for the ball, she tripped and head butted me in the temple. Apparently she didn't have much control of the situation. Anyway, the left side of my head and part of my face is swollen, sore and i can't even yawn. But it happens. Just one of those things.

Anyway, last night I had a dream involving trader joe grocery bags and a hot guy with a mustang and sexy sunglasses but I can't remember anymore details. crazy concussion!!!

She talks to fish.....and Michael Caine is her grandpa

I haven't been able to post for a few days, oh yeah because my computer is (hopefully temporarily) dead.

This weekend I had two dreams that I made a conscious effort to remember.

Friday night, I dreamt that I was in New York staying in a posh hotel with my bro Rich and Mom. We were a little fish out of water, staying in the hotel. Rich and I were younger-in our early teens. Turns out that we were there to hang out with our grandpas. My mom's father was Michael Caine and my dad's father was Robert Redford. Michael Caine was hillarious, Robert Redford not so much.

Sunday night I dreamt that I was on a bench in the desert. Next to me was a pretty stream, the water was clear and the stream had no vegetation, it was just dirt. I was sitting there and 4 huge "bull trouts" (thats what i figured they were in my dream) came up to me and I started talking to the fish. They were cute in an ugly sort of way and then I was sad because I knew my other brother Steven would fish there and the fish had no food.

Bizarre dream.

A couple of nights ago

I had a dream that I was talking to my friend Adam (not to be confused with the other Adam). Adam and I were best friends in high-school, he wrote me every week of his mission, we had a falling out about 4 years ago, and he married Adrianne another vernal peep) 2 years ago. Now, since our falling out i hadn't seen him although we have talked. Last August, Adrianne was talking on the phone with her sister and died unexpectedly. I heard that Adam isn't doing that well when i was in Vernal last which was over a month ago. So, in my dream I was talking to him and he wasn't doing well, but by the end of the dream he seemed happier.

I'm wondering if I had the dream because I'm concerned or if I need to contact him.....

Is it a little sad

that we've been buds for like a year but just chatted for the first time last night?


Holla girl!

I love that we both have

Dear Frankie at the top of our Netflix queues.

Hoo Drops the ball yet again....

So the first dream I did not report last week basically was Me and Sherp CHILLIN.....with dudes, one of whom was....wait for it....Brad Pitt. It was way rad, he thought we were funny as hell. Sherp definitely exceeded expectations for our first time meeting, and she gracefully endured my smelly feet, although she couldn't help giggling about them.

Last night's dream...well at this point I only remember the part that happened right before I woke up. This is one that I totally rue, because it was yet another in the "hoo gets rejected by men even in her own dreams" genre. It included a certain real life crush, visiting my sisters and I in this new condo(?). Everything was great until I started yelling at the neighbors for letting their kids come in and trash our new condo. They responded by calling me white trash, and I responded by yelling at them that I have a masters degree from UCLA (it's a lie, but how do they know?). Guess seeing that side of me kinda turned him off. The real killer is that I wouldn't have even had this part of my dream if I had got up and gone for a jog like I intended...untill I turned off the alarm and slept an extra hour. Double damn.

Duplicate Post! I dream of being an expert and passionate kisser, with someone i feel passionate about.

Part Passionate Kisser

For you, kissing is about all about following your urges If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble

Part Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

tampax boxes are so cool

Sat. night I dreamt that the 80 ct tampax box I bought recently (and haven't opened) was the coolest box in there. In amongst the "treats" were razors, a cd, massage oils....everything a girl needs. Other people were around me (men and women) and were jealous of my tampax box...

OUCH! That Hurts!!!

Ok so I didn't get to post this until now, but I had this dream from thurs/fri where I had a big snake in my purse (Don't ask me why...dreams aren't logical), all coiled up, except it was sealed in a plastic bag. I am such a sucker for being kind to animals, that I opened the bag because I was afraid that it wasn't getting oxygen, and the thing came hurtling at me with its fangs fully bared and it's jaws a perfect vertical...I thought it was a python, so I didn't expect to have to take evasive action like that. That's when I threw on the brakes and literally popped my eyes open and woke up. I didn't want to find out how that dream was going to end.

I had to go brush my teeth, read a little, etc before I got back into bed. And then I sat ontop of my feet, because I was convinced that snakes were going to come up from the end of the bed under my blankets. That's because my teacher in 5th grade told us this story about a guy in the amazon that has this poisonous snake sneak into his sleeping bag and curl up on his stomach, so his buddy has to cut a hole in the bottom of the bag and smoke the snake out without upsetting him or making him bite the guy, because it was a rare breed and they were in the middle of the jungle and didn't have any antivenin.

Yes I am almost 30 and I still get freaked out like that. I'm kind of thinking this is all prophetic in a way because friday morning my mom told me that she was moving out because my parents are finally getting divorced.