EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

I had a dream last night that there were these creatures that were half rat half bluebird, that lived in holes in the ground, and they were EVERYWHERE! DISGUSTING!

Le mie nozze ossia la folle giornata

Ok, I wasn't gonna blog this, because I didn't think anyone would believe me that I dreamt Damian Lewis and I were getting married in Italy BEFORE the media shoved the whole TomKat replicant compliance faux after-ceremony at Odescalchi down our throats. Ugghh! Those overexposed disciples of Xenu are the absolute bane of my existence and I never want to hear another utterance about them EVER EVER!

My dream was me giddily shopping in Italy for all the appurtenances befiting the occasion, including the wedding gown that looked like this, but more trashtastic, if possible (listen, the dream's gotta go bad somehow, or it wouldn't be my dream!) But honestly, even the horrid dress coudln't bring me down, I was so STOKED. The big event was all set to take place in a Tuscan field of wheat and poppies à la Room With A View...and then I woke up!

"Ginger Bond" (his words, not mine) can be heard every Friday for the next 2 months reading a selection from one of Ian Fleming's Bond Books on BBC Radio 2.

And this Morning

Between the time I turned off my alarm clock and actually woke up, I dreamt about a John Denver Variety hour/tribute. I remember our girl Liza with a Z, singing (I forget what) and Julie Andrews in the mountains singing rocky mountain high. I woke up a little late, but I wasn't disappointed in the least. What a happy dream.

From Two weeks ago...

Three nights ago I dreamt that I was on a road trip with Kelli and a friend in the ward. We arrived to our destination, a little town in the Mid-west (Ohio, I think) and we split up. Kelli decided to do a tour of a factory and the friend and I went up to see the Catholic church. When we got up to the top (which was on a steep hill with steps, like a pyramid) we went our separate ways. It got dark because of daylight savings time, and I could see the night sky. It was so close, it felt like you could reach up and touch it. It was time to meet kelli at the car and then it was light again and I could carry my luggage (which I didn’t have on the way up) down the steep steps. We all three met at the car and I woke up.

Two nights ago I dreamt that my roommates and I were hanging out at Chino’s house with his 10 siblings. Chino was there, he wasn’t a punk and we were talking.

Last night, I dreamt that I was going to Italy with my extended and immediate family. We were ready to go on the trip, sitting in my friend’s parents living room. I’m not sure why as they live in AZ, and we weren’t in AZ. Anyway, we got to Italy and ended up eating in the first restaurant we found but it was expensive (and oddly the money was Mexican pesos, not euros). I knew that the food wasn’t that great because I’d been there before (in the dream I swore I’d been there before, I woke up and realize I hadn’t). Oh, and then I woke up.

STAUNCH

So this wasn't last night's dream. I guess it happened from Sunday to Monday. So actually it's only a fragment. I was in this old house and everything was covered in this kind of toothpaste green paint. I was walking through the house with someone, exploring the different rooms, but thinking, "Where are we?" when it hit me. We were in GREY GARDENS. Now that I think about it my companion was pry RubyG. I started freaking out in a good way. SO EXCITED to explore decaying dining rooms and raccoon-bitten holes in the wall! AND THEN I WOKE UP....WAAAAAAAA!!!

Bleh. I had a nightmare last night. I dreamt a few days ago that a relative of mine told me that he had sex while he was on the mission. Last night, I dreamt I was mission comps with this relative of mine. We lived in our neighbor's house in vernal and his girlfriend lived in the house too. This relative of mine confessed that he had sex a few days ago. I told him to tell the mission president, he agreed and then we hugged.

Moral of the Story: Don't read "Miracle of Forgiveness" right before you sleep. It'll give you seriously demented dreams.

Last night I dreamt that I had twin babies..about 2 months old. I went to a concert with a couple of friends, but no dad in sight, on the bus. We went to this huge spacious concert hall--don't remember the musician, and I had to take out the baby to breast feed. There were no maternal urges. It hurt!


end of dream.



but the babies were cute.

Five Sentences in Length.

I dreamt I was in a classroom and Sean Hannity was lecturing. He stopped the class to admire my white Turkish terrycloth bathrobe and ask me who made it. I said it was LL Bean. He told me that my face shone from the middle of the class. And then I woke up.

Dreammaking: How Nightmares are Made

AE and Lindsay "My uncle cheats 9/11 survivors out of money" Lohan are slated to star in a movie together. My private message to AE: Look what Hep C did to Pamela Anderson.

Dreammaking: The Process

Ok so before I detail my dream from last night, let me tell you what I DID last night...so you can see how my subconcious works. I met with my sister and sole surviving grandparent and went to go see Thank You for Smoking at The Bridge. While I was watching the film, amongst the myriad thoughts I had which I will not burden you with, two would later become integral to my dream later that evening. The first thought was of course, my old mantra..."Aaron Eckhart is so handsome, why did he have to leave us Mormon chicks so desolate?" The second was a pretty typical judgement on my part: "Boy, who cast that actress as his ex-wife, she is certainly no looker!"

So after the movie was over, and the Phish Food consumption was over, and I dropped my Gram at home, and then my sister...and made my way down PCH for the second time that day...I ended my day with a late-night episode of Sex and the City. It was one I had seen before, where the chick that dated Aidan after Carrie gives Carrie a really judgemental look...and they keep on bumping into eachother. Frankly, I think Carrie deserves it. She was really selfish and plain crazy the second time she ended it with Aidan. The only thing that kept me coming back to the show at that point was the hope that the clothes would get better, and we all know that didn't happen until the final season. I will never get why she chose Big over Aidan when Aidan was so HOT the second time they got together. Well this particular episode took place right after Miranda had her baby...so she hadn't showered, was dressed in sweats with the greasy hair, whathave you.

So now we get to the dream: You all saw this coming, but of course AE was my boyfriend. Except I looked exactly like Cynthia Nixon in that ep, except with brown hair like I have. I never got how guys wanted to date her on the show...but I wasn't her, I just looked like her...so I still didn't get why he was interested, and I was kind of leery, because I was thinking that he wouldn't have the standards that I had. Well then I catch him wearing this tee shirt with some really sick stuff on it...and he's constantly looking in this pda. So as I'm about to confront him about the shirt, he says he wants to do a retinal scan of me and save the data in his pda. Basically he wants to upload porn into my brain via the PDA. I swear I am not this neurotic in real life, but I totally started running away from him and shreiking, "NO RETINAL SCANS!" "Keep away, PORN BOY!"...and then I woke up.

Stefanimonster

Ok...look, I really do want to make this blog work.

The only thing I remember about my dream last night is that I was supposed to be Gwen Stefani's tour manager for one night in Connecticut, which basically meant I got to hold and cuddle her unnamed, sexless baby. Gwen was kind of stand offish and mean. Then we went to a mall and I kind of don't really remember anyting.

That was a really lame dream I know. I just am sorry that I am so cyclical with this blog. I will try to be bettah.

On Cruise with Clooney

Last night my subconscious finally got it right. Sort of. I dreamt I was on a cruise with George Clooney (who wore a tux the whole time) a 35 year old lady i've never met and her six year old son. The four of us shared a cabin, and yes I shared a bed with Clooney. Walking to dinner Clooney and I spent the whole time horsing around. Needless to say, this dream wasn't a nightmare.

Ben McGrath, Last Night I Dreamt of Your Cousin

First and foremost, I welcome myself back to this post which I have so treacherously abandoned. Were I a boatswain in his majesty's navy circa, well any time, I more than certainly would have been court-martialed for falling asleep at the stern, as it were.

And for you that can't deal with the allusion to all things nautical, what can I do but paraphrase one Vince Vaughn: "Sailing is like sex" to my people.

And so it is on that note that I turn to the mental narrative occupying my unconciousness last night, featuring one Mr. Luke Wilson, your future boyfriend and mine. Basically, we didn't do much, just held hands and went on a tour of his parents townhouse, which oddly enough was not in Dallas, but some nebulous non-descript metropolis. It was decorated with art deco building blocks. You know those futuristic tiles from the late 30s, early 40s?

I knew it was too good to be true when I saw that from his mom's room you could walk straight into Saks Fifth Avenue.

Ben McGrath and Luke Wilson Sing "We Are Family"-Gawker

And may I be the first to introduce you to the Luke Wilson Dance Party.

Check this out: Family Guy: Brians Book

Trailer Park OC

Last night I dreamt I was in a trailer...and there was Sandy and his wife from the OC, busy planning a bar mitzvah. Then, later I was instructing Ryan's girlfriend about where to go to college as we all stood around in the living room of the house i grew up in. bizarre.

move over liam

A few nights ago I dreamt that I was at work, and Steve Carell was one of the division chiefs at work. I talked to him about making 40 year old virgin, and he was real sweet about it. Later on in the dream, and he was always there. My current supervisor was telling me he was interested in me and I was like huh? Steve Carell?